Monday, 24 November 2014

Muh Curves


Monday, 10 November 2014

This is where I keep my genetics: Part 2

"This is where I keep my genetics"

Sunday, 2 November 2014

Be in Texas


>Just going through Walmart to grab some almond milk for my oatz
>Leg day (I longboard to and from the gym), so flippety-flopping all over the place
>Mid-wobble, I eye an entire family of hamlets (guess what that means)
>They are all in those carts that walmart provides at the front for disabled customers
>Disgonbegud.wmv
>Proceed to the back aisle, grab everything I need including some non-buttered popcorn and chilli mix
>Make my way back to the front to the self-checkout area
>Mama hamlet (easily <5'0") is causing up a ruckus
>her cart doesn't have enough room to get through to the next kiosk
>she's arguing with some poor black guy who has a look of disgust on his face the whole time
>I watch on as she proceeds to chew the guy out between gasps of air and a (I shit you not) Mega-gulp from one of the local gas stations
>Papa hams is behind her, practically red with rage/embarrassment
>Little hams are following suit, they look like little disabled ducks in a row
>Decide I've had enough, inch my way between them and take the kiosk in question.
>Black guy gives me a smirk, I silently kek, thinking about how I'm posting this on /fit/
>She begins to rail off at me, now.
>I just ignore her, she couldn't keep it up, anyway.
>See an old lady with a walker in the checkout, silently rage
> mfw she probably couldn't get one because these people

Saturday, 1 November 2014

Ayyy Jennifer

>At work
>Work with a sphere with limbs and a second sphere on top
>I'm going to call her "Jennifer" in this story, as that is her name
>Tell Jennifer to open some buckets of product
>She proceeds to do something else
>Tells me that she's done
>Tell her again to open the buckets
>She sighs and waddles very slowly to the buckets
>Spends about a minute fondling them
>Jennifer sighs again and declares "Well, I tried and I can't do it"
>Waddles out of the room

Friday, 31 October 2014

Fuck that job. I never hated fat people as much until I worked at a fucking bakery.

>used to work in bakery
>every Wednesday some fat ass woman would always come and order a dozen fucking cupcakes
>one day in the process of closing
>shit is literally less than one minute before I get to lock the door
>already have everything cleaned, half the lights off, machines shut down and in the process of counting the till
>suddenly see lights from outside the window
>"who the fucking fuck..."
>fucking whale woman comes charging in
>"OMG I THOUGHT I WOULD MISS IT LOL!"
>me: "yeah...great. What do you want?"
>"UMMMM HOLD ON I HAVE TO THINK"
>give her a pretty obvious "are you fucking serious right now?" but she doesn't notice
>orders a fucking dozen cupcakes again
>have to go into the back and pull shit out again to get them for her
>finally finish packaging and bagging them
>about to ring this bitch up
>suddenly she goes, "OH CAN I GET THOSE ALL CREAM FILLED! SORRY I FORGOT!"
>fucking just freeze and bite my cheek so fucking hard to prevent roaring at her to get out.
>me: "S-Sorry. We're out of cream."
>"REALLY?! DON'T YOU MAKE IT THOUGH ON REQ-"
>me: "We're out today. It sucks. That will be $24.00."
>she seems to FINALLY get the fucking picture
>follow close as fucking possible to her as she walks out
>slam the door fucking shut just as she walks out and lock it as loud as I can
>turn off the front lights while staring directly at her


Thursday, 30 October 2014

Well who else would you be?

>Be me
>Have a gluten intolerance so I get wasted pretty easily
>Gymbro has a party at his house
>Bring lots of alcohol
>My gymbro is also a liteweight baby when it comes to hard alcohol and we're giggling like schoolgirl after our second shot
>Some fatty shows up, we don't like him, but it is the she-kin of this girl who is okay
>Found out it was a woman
>Apparently one of those well fed bull dykes
>I'm gone at this point so I don't care
>I do remember her scowling at people for not giving her attention while she sipped her diet coke and constantly had a full slice of pizza in her hand.


>Gymbro's roommate bought 6 boxes of the cheapoo $5 pizzas
>Weren't that many people there, maybe 15?
>At around midnight they're all gone
>Gymbro toys around and starts yelling "Who the fuck ate all my pizza?"
>The He-woman tries to play it off like "It was those drunk guys with the muscles."
>Most people there know I can't eat pizza
>My roommate just says to the She-man "Shut up, you faggot!"
>I ask why her fancy shirt from torrid is covered in ranch
>Suggests my gymbro lick it off
>She fucking pepper sprays us and calls the cops claiming we tried to assault her
>The next day I had to cancel an important meeting because I was in so much fucking pain
>Ordinary girl gets her she-kin to calm down and they leave
>Make a pact, frame it on the entrance, that no fat bitches are allowed in this house