Tuesday, 2 September 2014

This is what Chinooks were designed for

>working at a roller skating rink
>tons of stupid little kids, but thats ok cause they're kids
>stupid adults are a lot harder to deal with
>lady walks in easily weighing over 350lbs
>I can clearly see her specially made shoes
>she comes up and asks for a size 6 (about average shoe size for women)
>I know this isn't going to work, but I can't just say "ma'am you're too fat for this"
>fast forward through her sitting down and trying on every sequential size of skate we have until we get to size 13
>size 13 doesn't fit
>its clearly not the length, but the width of the foot that's the issue
>Finally find that she can squeeze into a 15
>all of her weight is centered between the wheels
>goes out onto the skate floor after an hour of trying on shoes
>about 3 minutes in, I hear her scream
>she's fallen, tango down!
>walk out to the floor to see if she needs assistance defeating gravity
>she's broken one of the steel plates the skates use for support
>skate busted, so I have to tell manager
>manager tells her she'll have to pay for the skate (around $100)
>she flips out, saying this is prejudiced
>I tell her this is a special situation, we've never had someone weigh too much for skates
>the look of extreme discomfort comes on her face
>she starts crying amid the hundred or so kids also skating that day
>feel bad for a moment, then her crying becomes screaming
>she's flailing her arms around like an infant
>head arched back, screaming to the roof, and squriming every moveable body part in protest
>me and the manager back away
>every kid in the place looking on
>she goes at it for about five minutes before suddenly stopping, getting up, and walking out as if nothing happened
>she leaves her shoes with us

Monday, 1 September 2014

Sweet smell of summer

> Be 19 and working on check out window at Mcdonalds, first week of summer and it's afternoon so busy as fuck
> Next guy gives me his order on my headset, dude has a British accent and sounds familiar for some odd reason
> Dude rolls up to my window, it's David Beckham, his kids and some dude in the passenger seat
> Ohshit.jpg and hand him his food
> Don't know if word got out that he was around here or whatever but all of the sudden like 7 cars rush in and 4-5 people come out of the building
> Two landwale teenagers come out, one is making a B-line literately running full speed to his car with a face like an emo teenage girl about to meet Robert Patterson cutting though the parking lot and shit
> Becks looks and goes "Lets get back to the hotel before thunder thighs gets any ideas here" to his friend in the passenger seat
> We both chuckle as I hand him his food and he speeds off
> Landwale teenage girl goes back inside with her friend and orders a 50 piece nugget while talking about how she got a glimpse of him and and she swears that he look back at her in a "romantic" way
> Can't stop laughing for the rest of the afternoon

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Work at theme park

>Mpace Sountain
>handing out photo tickets
>Screen shows a rocket that hasent shown up yet
>Holy shit the rocket is bring in back planet
>planet skin is so black it looks like an empty shirt in the black background.
>2 tiny white moons near the top of...oh its a person.
>it rolls in.
>AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh is all you hear
>planet is so fat her rolls extend out of the rocket
>rocket comes withing an inch of the floor
>rocket is floor level to the rocket so the top edgeof it/side of the rocket is lvl to the floor.
>Her fat is caught in itbetween rocket and floor
>Ride is stopped
>Paramedics come
>they remove her fat from the wall
>They try to take her oout but she is stuck in the rocket
>she begs them to take her out
>The rocket has to be destroyed in order to bust her out
>Ride is closed for the day while paramedics and firefighters attend to the beached planet
>Finally break the car apart
>peached planet takes a wrong step
>gets stuck int he track she fell through.
>lulz were had
>another 30 min debate on how fat she is and how they are going to get her out

Saturday, 30 August 2014

Never had any problem with other ladies.

>weeks later, fatty smaller friend comes in.
>needs a check up for std's.
>she's bragging about getting fucked by multiple guys.
>I do the usual use protection speech.
>she laughs and says she doesn't like it.
>she takes off her pants and I offer her a towel, she declines and says she doesn't need it.
>hops in the chairs, it's a tight fit but she squeezes in.
>legs wide open and I can smell her from my desk.
>I ask if she's been active lately, she giggles and says she had sex last night and today.
>I nearly vomit, she's giggles and does the "te he" smile.
>I lube up my glove slide into her meat hole, 2 fingers in and it feels like a cave in there.
>this bitch is loose as fuck.
>she moves slightly every time I move my hand, and says Jess was right your fingers are good and laughs again.
>I'm on the edges of vomiting and exploding in rage,
>finish exam and tell her all seems ok, but I will run tests and see her again in a few weeks.
Why are fatties so wierd and gross?

Friday, 29 August 2014

Got another one about her if you want it?

>be gynaecologist, seen some shit in my days.
>head in one morning and see my first hamplanet.
>invite her in go the ought the usual bullshit questions.
>tell her to climb onto the chair.
>she struggles to get into a chair because it's to small.
>after a while I just lay her on the bed in the next room.
>spread her legs and get started.
>have a quick look and I can barley see her pussy between her thighs.
>lube up my whole glove and slide between the fat.
>find her hole and slide my finger in to have a feel.
>fatty starts moaning.
>scares me and I pull out, she apologises and tells me that's it felt good.
>I'm horrified, but have to continue.
>do the rest of the exam and hold in my vomit,
>I tell her she needs a follow up in a few weeks, as she speaks to the receptionist to book her next appointment she gives her number and tells the receptionist to give it to me,
>I see her fat friend look at me from the waiting room and they giggle on the way out.

Thursday, 28 August 2014

I would pay a thousand dollars to be rid of this shit.

>mfw I am a FA of BBWs (fat admirer of big beautiful women, as the lingo goes)
>mfw I jerk it to "progress pics" and weight gain fiction on a near nightly basis
>I've had the fetish for almost 15 years now
>Every women I've dated has been at a normal weight, not even big titties (and I was fine with that, a rewarding relationship doesn't start and end on a dumb fetish)
>I myself go to the gym three times a week and walk daily, never been fat in my life
>Will never date a BBW, slowly influence women I date to become fat, or even admit to anyone beyond a damn image board
>This is because common sense trumps a fucking fetish
>I hate the whole "fat acceptance" community and will never join up on their damn circkjerk message boards
>Hate myself the most of all

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

There would be more, but I cracked up at this point and feminist girl turned her aggression at me.

> Be in college
> One classmate is female fitness model - fantastic ass, not "bulky" and she can into physiology
> One classmate is super-skinny feminist commie asian girl
> Fitness girl is having a conversation with two other girls about fitness
> Explaining how girls shouldn't be afraid of weights, they won't get bulky, squats and lunges, etc.
> Explaining diet is everything
> Says, "Back when I used to be chubby and I hated my body..."
> "STOP right there!"
> Enter skinny feminist, stage right
> "Don't encourage these girls to hate their bodies!"
> This gon be good
Let's see if I can get this from memory...
>"You're perpetuating gendered notions privileging thin body types over equally-healthy plus-size bodies, and reinforcing the patriarchal control men have over women's bodies as objects of desire rather than as vessels for our own social justice."
That translates to, "You're encouraging these girls to be thin, and I'm going to speculate that you think women exist only to please men. This makes you evil."
> Fitness girl has apparently seen this shit before
> "I'm encouraging them to take control of their own bodies through self-mastery and proven nutritional knowledge. What they do with that information is up to them, and I only hope that it makes them happy."
> Skinny feminist begins, "But - "
> Fitness girl interrupts. "I can squat two hundred and five pounds. How is that traditionally feminine? How does that not break stereotypes?"

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

fuck fatties

>be me
>working at A&F
>work with handsome humans for the most part
>folding the size 00 daisy dukes
>saying 'how you doing' to everyone walking in
>suddenly my nose burns, the stench of curry cuts through the heavy cologne mist
>red dot veganplanets
>Why would someone over 200lbs try to fit in anything Abercrombie
>they're obviously shopping for their little fattie
>this kid is at least 210, and a solid 5'5"
grabs a 5 larges, which are my 5'10" 170lb size
>are you fucking kidding me
>none fit, they leave them for me in the fitting room
>'wheel be bock tomorrew!'
>please God don't come back tomorrow
>kid single handedly caused over 200$ in damages

Monday, 25 August 2014

Let me tell you a story

>mother is a nurse
>she is in the after-surgery service so she have to deal with unconcious people and their families
>a couple of weeks ago, hambeast is recovering from heart surgery (quadruple bypass)
>full family if whales comes to see this guy and hiw he is going
>they try to enter into the room, only to disconfort with their giant whale tails the other patient
>since alpha male is already awoke, he is hungry
>a diet for somebody who got a heart operation is liquid/soft
>but no, hambeast cant eat that because he needs to clog his arteries again
>female whale and kid whale goes to the nearest market (is in front of the hospital)
>they return one hour later with a 2 roasted poultries, chips, 2liters diet coke X 3 and some napkins
>half of the nurses have to stop the hambeasts from getting the food in the room
>small whale does a tantrum since the nurses didnt let him see his father
>food fucking everywhere

Sunday, 24 August 2014

I go to subway because sometimes I'm lazy counting my calories and the steak and cheese has under 400.

Though I prefer the basil and sundried tomato chicken sandwiches that M&S sell, they're too expensive.

>Walk/jog to subway, it's 6~7 miles uphill from home
>The moment I enter I feel an intense gravitational pull, hold onto doorframe not to get sucked in
>Humongous landwhale standing behind counter, his head whips around and he stares at me
>"H-hi there! I'm just checking the nutritional value."
>Look at board, he's standing there and staring at me, breathing heavier than me
>"Okay, wholegrain bread, steak sandwich, onions, tomatoes, cucumber, extra lettuce, no sauce, grilled"
>He starts making my sandwich, notice he's putting double meat and cheese on it, winks at me and says "A little extra as a reward"
>"N-no please don't! Actually cut the cheese and put peppers in instead, please!"
>He scoffs and reluctantly puts the meat and cheese back
>"What drink would you like?"
>"Hmm, lemme see the nutrition...coffee sounds nice."
>"That's 200 calories, you sure there?"
>"Whaa? Black coffee has 200 calories here? No way, just water then!"
>"Oh I thought you meant latte, black coffee only has 8 calories, here you go. Want some cookies? You should treat yourself."
>"Thanks, I'm good."
>Sit down and rip off any excess bread, sip deliciously bitter coffee
>Ground rumbles
>Hamplanet sits opposite me, with 10 cookies, 1 huge sprite, 4 sandwiches, 7 packets of crisps and 2 breakfast subs
>Stares at me while I slowly eat my food, gobbles his down and keeps pushing crisps and cookies over at me with a wink
>"It'll be our dirty little secret, you look gorgeous the way you are, turnip."
>Lose 3lb just in ovary weight, they're aborted themselves and my vajayjay burned itself shut for life.
>Internally crying, finish sandwich and burn mouth guzzling the coffee, gtfo
>Run like a demon and scream in rage on the way back