Sunday, 20 April 2014

mfw still angry about it and it was last week

>Be in gym
>Go to steam room post hot tub
>Landwhale genuinely taking up about 6 feet of space on one of the benches
>only wearing a very loose towel (I left mine outside as I was still wearing trunks from hot tub)
>I get stressed thinking about how much of his fat sweat is being held in the air
>How much of it am I inhaling?
>How many calories am I getting through my lungs?
>relief when he gets up and leaves
>nope, just going to shower, comes back
>I leave after a few minutes, grab my towel and it is soaking wet
>piece of shit fatty took my towel and left me his disgusting lard one

Saturday, 19 April 2014

my first time contributing to one of these

>cycle to college store to get healthy foods
>get in line
>hamplanet of a college student in front of me in the queue
> bout 22, 5"6, holding only junk food
> shes obviously self conscious.. can see her nervously bouncing from foot to foot as she eyes up the Crisps rack below the counter
>picks a packet (hunky dory buffalo 8/10 )
> gets back in queue avoiding eye contact and noticing my healthy foods
>not even bad facial symmetry though
>starts doing her nervous bounce again before picking another packet of crisps and adding to the pile
>pays for her empty calories and scuttles out
>feel genuinely bad for her

Friday, 18 April 2014

walking down Sheffield town centre with my nan

>she's old and can walk fine but I'm still making sure she doesn't trip
>300lb bitch appears on a mobility scooter, heading towards us
>we are on the left hand side, taking up 1/3 of the footpath
>bitch decides to continue scooting in the middle of the footpath, guaranteed collision
>her face has that "I ain't moving, you move, I AM A BEAUTIFUL STRONG BLACK WOMAN WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN" look
>nah I'm good thanks
>she brushes against me and topples over onto her side
>screams "OW! You knocked me you should have moved you jerk you freak etc"
>reply "lose weight" and walk off

Thursday, 17 April 2014

going to hang out with bro the other day

>decide to bring donuts because cheat meal
>get in line and theres 3 hambeasts ordering
>they get 2 boxes full of fucking cookies
>they just keep ordering more
>1 asks for 2 cookies that she can eat in the car as if she didnt have enough already
>asks the male hamplanet if he wants anything
>says "no i already ate a bag of potato chips, im carbed up"
>its only 10 am
>then they ask if they have premade cakes
>jesus christ what the fuck
>order my 4 donuts and go to pay
>they ask to have something written on it and have to move to where i am
>almost mowed down by stomachs but don't move out of their way
>male fatass smugly says "pardon us" and turns away

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

in one of my classes, the majority of people there are overweight

>at least 10 (out of 25-30) are obese
>one girl is so huge that she can't fit in the desks
>has to sit at a table in the front of the room instead
>turns sideways to go through the door
>the other hamplanets can fit in the chairs, but can't use the flip down part of the desk due to their lard
>one day we're talking about problems of under and overnutrition
>subject moves to obesity in the US
>here we go
>prof starts bringing up your typical tumblr shit
>"obesity has been linked to certain genes and a different microflora of bacteria in the GI tract"
>dismisses food and lifestyle
>take a midway break from class
>go out into the hall
>the three obese females who bothered to come that day waddle out
>they all head for the snack machine, slip their wallets out of their folds
>buy a few snacks each and sodas
>fatties gonna fat

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Short Stories

>Leave Home Depot
> see little middle aged woman struggling with a section of fence
> she lifting one end and dragging the other
> tell her I'll do it I lift it and follow her to her car
> help her get it on top of her minivan and help her secure it
> just as it is done a fat 20 something loser drinking a bucket of soda opens the passenger side door and gets in
> he watched his mom struggle in public without even lifting one side of the fence

>Wake up.
>Go downstairs.
>See disgusting fat whale in my living room.
>It's me.
>I was looking at a mirror.

Forbidden diet talk includes:

>Discussing total weight lost
>Favorite diet plans
>Diet plans that have worked for you
>Personal caloric intake details
>Personal caloric expenditure details
>Suggesting weight loss to anyone for any reason
>Suggesting weight loss surgery to anyone for any reason
>Suggesting weight loss for another person as a means of improving health

Monday, 14 April 2014

pop disks in back

> crippling sciatic pain
> on crutches
> alone so have to go out and buy food
> hobbling on crutches down aisle in intense pain
> almost everyone helps me or gives way
> fat woman takes up entire aisle
> gives me the look telling me she isn't going to move because that would waste precious calories
> have to walk sideways to get by her
> she leans into me when I am even with her causing massive pain
> old woman coming in other direction sees me gritting my teeth in pain
> she takes her cart to one side to get by fatty
> fatty shifts like a quarter inch
> old lady hesitates then slams cart into fatty's knee
> hear fatty scream
> old lady gets by fatty and turns and gives me a nod
> true story- fat people all resented that someone might expect them to yield the way, they all think they should be treated like they are handicapped

Sunday, 13 April 2014

I have this really fat classmate who is Vegetarian

>Claims she is the most healthiest person in our class
>Does not work out and mostly eats potato chips and muffins at school
>BTW she is REALLY really fat, 'arms are bigger than her head'-fat
>My friend and I are sharing a chicken sandwich (he forgot his lunch) in the auditorium and drinking tea we bought
>My friend is quite healthy, has a good body, works out but isn't a health nut, a 9/10 male species
> Anyway he adds a bit of sugar and some honey-mustard sauce to his sandwich (brought a small pinky sized package from the cafeteria)
>Fat girl sees all of it, how he adds sugar and honey-mustard sauce
>Gives him a weird over the top look than back to the sandwich and tea and back to him
>Says "Ok, not going to say about the meat this time but srsly, you're going to kill yourself with that much sugar and sauce one day"
>My friend sighs really loud and says 'yeah ok thanks'
>She gets frustrated and says "can't take criticism much?'
>He says annoyed "What if I would comment on what you eat like those chocolate muffins and say you're unhealthy and fat but delusional about it, goddamnit?"
>She gets angry and looks hurt and says something I can't really hear and turns around
> "Fat bitch eat this" my friend says and throws the empty sugar and sauce package at her
>She doesn't say anything nor turns back to her
>I just sit there uncomfortable but proud too lol

Saturday, 12 April 2014

The Twinkie Zone

>at Walmart
>scooterfats errywhere
>no more scooters for actual disabled people
>suddenly a wild snorlax appears
>already sweating mayonnaise after walk from car
>no more scooters
>hambeast has shitfit because she has to walk more
>mayonnaise flies all over the greeters as ambulocetus flails around and cries about bad knees
>a kindly old veteran appears.
>He has only one leg, but manages to walk ok with a cane.
>slips on mayonnaise and falls
>greeters proceed to ignore hambeast and get a scooter for the veteran
>hambeast starts screaming about unfairness
>tries to hit the greeters
>takes a swing, slips on own mayonnaise and falls to the floor
>police arrive and arrest the flailing greasepile
>mfw they search her and find an open jar of mayo and four kilos of chicken wings