Thursday, 17 April 2014

going to hang out with bro the other day

>decide to bring donuts because cheat meal
>get in line and theres 3 hambeasts ordering
>they get 2 boxes full of fucking cookies
>they just keep ordering more
>1 asks for 2 cookies that she can eat in the car as if she didnt have enough already
>asks the male hamplanet if he wants anything
>says "no i already ate a bag of potato chips, im carbed up"
>its only 10 am
>then they ask if they have premade cakes
>jesus christ what the fuck
>order my 4 donuts and go to pay
>they ask to have something written on it and have to move to where i am
>almost mowed down by stomachs but don't move out of their way
>male fatass smugly says "pardon us" and turns away

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

in one of my classes, the majority of people there are overweight

>at least 10 (out of 25-30) are obese
>one girl is so huge that she can't fit in the desks
>has to sit at a table in the front of the room instead
>turns sideways to go through the door
>the other hamplanets can fit in the chairs, but can't use the flip down part of the desk due to their lard
>one day we're talking about problems of under and overnutrition
>subject moves to obesity in the US
>here we go
>prof starts bringing up your typical tumblr shit
>"obesity has been linked to certain genes and a different microflora of bacteria in the GI tract"
>dismisses food and lifestyle
>take a midway break from class
>go out into the hall
>the three obese females who bothered to come that day waddle out
>they all head for the snack machine, slip their wallets out of their folds
>buy a few snacks each and sodas
>fatties gonna fat

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Short Stories

>Leave Home Depot
> see little middle aged woman struggling with a section of fence
> she lifting one end and dragging the other
> tell her I'll do it I lift it and follow her to her car
> help her get it on top of her minivan and help her secure it
> just as it is done a fat 20 something loser drinking a bucket of soda opens the passenger side door and gets in
> he watched his mom struggle in public without even lifting one side of the fence

>Wake up.
>Go downstairs.
>See disgusting fat whale in my living room.
>It's me.
>I was looking at a mirror.

Forbidden diet talk includes:

>Discussing total weight lost
>Favorite diet plans
>Diet plans that have worked for you
>Personal caloric intake details
>Personal caloric expenditure details
>Suggesting weight loss to anyone for any reason
>Suggesting weight loss surgery to anyone for any reason
>Suggesting weight loss for another person as a means of improving health

Monday, 14 April 2014

pop disks in back

> crippling sciatic pain
> on crutches
> alone so have to go out and buy food
> hobbling on crutches down aisle in intense pain
> almost everyone helps me or gives way
> fat woman takes up entire aisle
> gives me the look telling me she isn't going to move because that would waste precious calories
> have to walk sideways to get by her
> she leans into me when I am even with her causing massive pain
> old woman coming in other direction sees me gritting my teeth in pain
> she takes her cart to one side to get by fatty
> fatty shifts like a quarter inch
> old lady hesitates then slams cart into fatty's knee
> hear fatty scream
> old lady gets by fatty and turns and gives me a nod
> true story- fat people all resented that someone might expect them to yield the way, they all think they should be treated like they are handicapped

Sunday, 13 April 2014

I have this really fat classmate who is Vegetarian

>Claims she is the most healthiest person in our class
>Does not work out and mostly eats potato chips and muffins at school
>BTW she is REALLY really fat, 'arms are bigger than her head'-fat
>My friend and I are sharing a chicken sandwich (he forgot his lunch) in the auditorium and drinking tea we bought
>My friend is quite healthy, has a good body, works out but isn't a health nut, a 9/10 male species
> Anyway he adds a bit of sugar and some honey-mustard sauce to his sandwich (brought a small pinky sized package from the cafeteria)
>Fat girl sees all of it, how he adds sugar and honey-mustard sauce
>Gives him a weird over the top look than back to the sandwich and tea and back to him
>Says "Ok, not going to say about the meat this time but srsly, you're going to kill yourself with that much sugar and sauce one day"
>My friend sighs really loud and says 'yeah ok thanks'
>She gets frustrated and says "can't take criticism much?'
>He says annoyed "What if I would comment on what you eat like those chocolate muffins and say you're unhealthy and fat but delusional about it, goddamnit?"
>She gets angry and looks hurt and says something I can't really hear and turns around
> "Fat bitch eat this" my friend says and throws the empty sugar and sauce package at her
>She doesn't say anything nor turns back to her
>I just sit there uncomfortable but proud too lol

Saturday, 12 April 2014

The Twinkie Zone

>at Walmart
>scooterfats errywhere
>no more scooters for actual disabled people
>suddenly a wild snorlax appears
>already sweating mayonnaise after walk from car
>no more scooters
>hambeast has shitfit because she has to walk more
>mayonnaise flies all over the greeters as ambulocetus flails around and cries about bad knees
>a kindly old veteran appears.
>He has only one leg, but manages to walk ok with a cane.
>slips on mayonnaise and falls
>greeters proceed to ignore hambeast and get a scooter for the veteran
>hambeast starts screaming about unfairness
>tries to hit the greeters
>takes a swing, slips on own mayonnaise and falls to the floor
>police arrive and arrest the flailing greasepile
>mfw they search her and find an open jar of mayo and four kilos of chicken wings

Thursday, 10 April 2014

I live in Finland, and my mother visited Colorado. She said that she couldn't finish a single meal in the week she was there, since they were so huge.

>she asked the way to some event she wanted to go to, that was near the hotel and she thought was close enough to walk to, 2km or so
>hotel clerks jaw drops and he tells that other customers(mostly americans) took golf cabs and drove that distance
all of the keks

Hate working with fat people:
>work at a small indie cinema complex in Britbongistan
>co-worker is an American-fat tier lardass
>constantly bringing in the unhealthiest foods and complaining how she doesn't lose weight
>sneers at my chicken and brown rice as 'no flavour'
>everyone hates her
>she's 40 w/ 2 chavy kids and everyone who isn't a manager is >25
>"pulled" her stomach last week deck scrubbing the floors and couldn't do any cleaning for two weeks
>had to do all her cleaning and mine
>best friends with two of the female managers so she'll never be fired

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Not really a fat person story, more of just an America in general story.

>Recently go to Amurika on holiday
>First food place I go to I order something, ask for no fries.
>The waiter was clearly confused, and said sorry?
>I repeat no fries thanks.
>The waiter says the fries come with the meal.
>I still insist that I don't want fries.
>He tells me he could bring another side with the meal, I tell him no thanks.
>eventually he just leaves and brings back my meal
>"I included fries with it anyway"
>And I did not eat those fires.

>Second restaurant I went to, the same thing was happening. So I just eventually accepted the fries that came with it.
>Meet up with some friends of family.
>This 12 year old kid thinks cheerios are healthy because its cereal (as opposed to french toast and shit thats similar)
>Same kid thought that fries that arent in the long shape you get from Mc'donalds, the potato wedge type fries is healthy as well.

>Went to a shopping place there you can buy 2 kilograms of chicken breast for $10, where as where Im from 1 kilogram on special is about $12. Yet there are still fat people everywhere?
>Go eating with friends of family, all of them eat till feeling sick. One eats to the point where he has a headache and other problems.

Sorry again not really a fat people story, but I guess its a bit of knowledge as to why theres so many fatties in murika. Seeing how they dont understand the concept of turning down free food, or not to eat until theyre sick. Also by the end of my 2 week stay I was so sick of the food there, everything was fucking greasy. Was missing normal food quite badly. And im sorry amurika, but thats just how my experience went.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Why are American soldiers so fat?

>be in Australian Army
>be in Asia
>a group of five of us go to some spa thing
>some American Soldiers are also there
>in the hot communal baths
>they are making fun of Asians, we are talking malnourished sub 5'5" twig people, for having small penises
>one guy in our group says "well at least they can see their penises"
>we all laughed at the Americans
>asian guy asks us what we said
>tell him the joke
>he yells it out in "asian"
>whole place laughs at the Americans
>they get mad and start yelling about how they have 9" dicks (sure, if they quadrupled in size, these were not well endowed people even in the warm bath)
>the guy says "sure, 9" wang, too bad you have 20" of stomach to get to girl ahahaha!"
The American military had to pay for the dental work the guy needed as well as a settlement, American GIs are banned from the spa